Life Update or is it a bad dream?

 I don't know how to start. I have so many things to write here. I don't have or I don't really want to share this to anyone. 

This time is probably the most difficult time of my life so far. 

It started late last year, November 2021 when my sister noticed that my mother was pale. Before this she was feeling this persisting headache since pandemic began. We took her to the doctor and it was found that her hemoglobin was low and was advised to have a blood transfusion immediately. She needed three packs of blood. Covid is still here, we took her to the nearest private hospital. At the reception area, I was interviewed by the hospital staff. She asked my questions about the patient's income, the children's income and properties. She should have directly asked me if we can afford to pay the hospital services, and the manner she asked me was very disrespectful. I looked like I could not afford to pay because I was doing laundry the time my sister called me to take our mother to the ER. Hospital fees have risen more than double in the time of covid. I swear I hated hospitals even more and this was just the beginning.

Three days at the hospital, my mother was sent home with instructions for a follow up check-up and a procedure called endoscopy. There was a mass found in her stomach. I told my  mother I cannot afford to take her to a private hospital anymore, so we went to the nearest public hospital in our place two weeks after she was sent home. It was December, we were worried because she was still pale and looking sick. We booked a schedule to a Gastroenterologist in the first week of December. The doctor was kind. We were instructed to do the endoscopy but he recommended to do it in a hospital in Manila so his students can take care of us there but at the same time we were also instructed to go to a cardiologist to get clearance before the procedure. My sisters took her to a cardiologist at the same public hospital but the doctor did not clear her. We were confused with these instructions and decided to just book a schedule an appointment again to the Gastro since the cardiologist told my sisters that those are not urgent and can wait. My family did not really enjoy Christmas that time, they did not tell but I know because we were worried about my mother's health.

January 2022 came, I stayed at my mother's home because my brother and his family spent the night with his inlaws (they live with my mother but my two sisters and their families and me and my husband live within the same neighborhood). I could not sleep because she did not look okay, I checked her temperature and it was almost forty. It was three in the morning, I called my sister who lives next door and we took our mother to the ER at the break of dawn. Her hemoglobin was low, the same when she first had blood transfusion at that effing private hospital. She had covid at the same time. Public hospitals were a nightmare at this time of omicron spreading like wildfire. She needed five packs of blood. We asked for help from friends, relatives, and neighbors if they could donate blood because we need to replace the 5 packs my mother used. A lot of people were scared to go to the hospital because of omicron so we had to offer money to successful blood donors. 

My mother spent 10 days at the hospital. My brother was with her all the time because only one guardian was allowed and they were not allowed to go out. We bring them everything they needed. Thankfully the hospital was just a walking distance from home and my brother did not get covid. I also had to take a leave from work that time because I was exposed when I checked my mother while she was still at the ER. I touched her oxygen mask and I might had covid so I had to warn my co workers and went home the time the covid test result came out. 

Some people were understanding, while some people are just plain stupid and insensitive. We tried to keep this a secret and did not tell anyone in the neighborhood but still we were responsible to avoid people as much as possible. This covid is really a nightmare to a lot of people.

Mother was sent home and advised to have quarantine for ten days. She was given medications and no further instructions but to just isolate and finish the medicines. I asked my husband's sister in law if she could take care of my mother during weekdays. She agreed and we paid her three hundred pesos a day, food and transportation fare not are on us. 

Two weeks later, my sister took her to a different clinic for a check up and consultation. She was given some medicines through injections that made her feeling awful that lasts for hours up to a day. 

I felt so bad for my mother. I felt so sad and worried that why she had to go through this. If I could only share some of the pain so she does not have to have it all on her own.