First Half of January: My Anxious Thoughts and Morality

Last week on my way to work, I was stopped by a thin man with a backpack in white shirt supposedly asking for directions. I told him the place is just nearby but he would need to take one more ride and then he told me he had no money, that he lost his wallet and he had been walking since dark. I asked him where he came from and why he was going to that place. He said he was going to his aunt. I am a person who can’t distinguish if a person is lying or not, specially a stranger, and the thought that if this man was my friend or a family member what would I do? So the angel inside me won (imagine the scene where an angel and a demon on either side of your head arguing, lol!) I gave him money and told him to just take a ride and eat in a nearby carinderia because he was shaking which I asked earlier and told me he had not eaten and been walking overnight. He did not look like a beggar or a homeless man, but my conscience said he was telling the truth. Besides a hundred pesos would not make him richer, nor it would make me poorer and I was going to be late for work.

In the Philippines, giving alms to beggars would make you think twice. Most of these people pretending to be beggars belong to the large population of Filipinos. Poor parents use their children to beg in the streets because they easily get sympathy from people. Whose heart would not get poked by a hungry looking child?  Some of them are just lazy and irresponsible parents who use poverty as an excuse to ask money from those of us who work hard to afford a decent meal and take advantage of our good hearts. Sometimes, if I have food in my bag I would give it to the kid, but most of the time I fight the impulse to give out coins. Encountering street beggars has become a normal part of my life and if it's right to be giving them alms is right or not is I think subjective to every person.

Meanwhile, because of these anxious thoughts that I had been having recently, I started to think about life insurance. I had wanted to get a life insurance since many years back, but my financial condition cannot afford it, specially now that my husband and I are renting an apartment. Everyday I pray to God to always take care of my loved ones, and that I won’t die ahead of my mother. I’ll be thirty nine this year and my hair starts to turn seriously gray, it worries me. Although some people say I don’t look my age, it does not help. I still worry and sometimes I can’t fight it. The fact that I’m aging and not helping much to the people who needs me bothers me a lot. No, I am not depressed and I don’t have anxiety, it’s just a normal part of being an adult. I guess.

As of this moment, I need to set my anxious thoughts aside because there’s still tons of work to do. I stopped by for a quick blog.