Flashback Friday: I Had Weight Issues Too!

When people, most of the time fellow women, tell me "buti ka pa payat" I often get that "If you only knew" reaction in my mind. I'm not sure if it shows in my face because until now, at my age, I still have doubts if I should take those kind of remarks as compliments or just a simple comment. I am guilty that instead of just saying "thanks" I'd just answer "tataba din ako"or "oo nga eh" in a regretful tone. Little did they know about those years I had suffered about being the extreme opposite of fat...

When I was young, as young as before and during teenage years, I was very skinny. So thin you could mistake me for Olive Oyl's fraternal twin. I was dark, I had big sunken eyes like that of most Indian's, an ugly birthmark on my neck, and my signature smile - big uneven toothed :)! Yes, I had all the reasons to wallow in self pity because of how I looked when all the girls my age started looking like grown beautiful and sexy young women.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici via FreeDigitalPhotos

I became very shy and always conscious about myself. When I go out I always had people telling me
"You're so thin, do you even eat?", "You look like a walking bamboo stick" "The wind might blow you away", "You look like Palito", and some things I do no even remember anymore. I felt so freaking ugly I can still imagine feeling the pain until now. I never wore shorts when the girls my age were proud of their shapely legs. I never wore tops that hug my body because they told me I should wear loose clothes so I would look bigger. I never attended parties because no one would find me interesting and sure I was going to be the wallflower anyway, and the boys are the ones that often teased me. I felt like people would always just look at my body and make it a butt of jokes. So I defended myself with being masungit. I became awkward with people, especially with boys. I became very uncomfortable when people look or stare at me.

There was no one to ever told me that I was beautiful even if it just to make me feel better so I was led to believe that I was really ugly...

Back to 2013, my story is not the ugly-duckling-turned-into-a-swan thing because I don't think I have ever evolved into a beautiful woman, at least not (even half of) the kind of women you see in Vogue or FHM.(But I have to believe in myself that I am beautiful because if I did not nobody else will, no matter how cliche it may sound). I'm just saying that I'm thankful now that I'm so over those years. I don't look like or act like that young girl anymore but I'm glad that I now am not that so conscious with the way my body looked. Still I don't have much confidence in myself now but I have learned to love the way I am and be thankful that I am blessed in a lot of ways. If there is something that I should strive to improve, it is my outlook and my over-all being as a woman that I know has a lot more need of improvement. And most of all, I am just thankful to God for the life with so much opportunities around for that!

That's just about it.

Happy weekend and have a life full of purpose! :)