Saturday, June 17, 2017

Today, Ten Years Ago, We Got Hitched

Opo, today is our tenth wedding anniversary! Bilis talaga ng panahon! I don't really know how to sum up those ten years in a short and sweet blog post, but I will try anyway... :)

Kagabi bago matulog binati ko sya thru fist bump: "Oy 14 na bukas, akalain  mo yun! Hahaha!"

This morning he hugged and greeted me "Happy Anniversary" while I responded him with "Ten years, akalain mo yun"

Ten years down. Lifetime to go, sabi nga. Ang masasabi ko lang talaga "walang forever". Wala naman talaga. You just have to stick together through whatever. Dapat siguro i phase out na yung  mga fairy tale stories na yan, mali ang tinuturo nyan sa mga bata! Hahaha!

Kidding aside, the first years was easy and very happy. It was that romantic feeling that made you believe that love was really powerful.

But the past few years was the rough road. The pressure to keep up with the expectation of the people around us was the worst. And it was only later that we realized it was wrong to live with the expectations of these people. It did not help nurture our relationship and I guess it never would to any married and not married couples out there.

Our marriage was very far from perfect. We have been through our lowest lows and highest highs, and I've said and done horrible things to our relationship but I'm very happy we made it here. Going strong, I really hope so, but as of this writing everything about us is fine. The butterflies are gone and most of the time we're just like best friends living under the same house but we're doing just fine.

We may not be blessed with a baby, but don't worry about us. We're fine! :)

I won't offer any relationship or marriage advice to anyone because all relationships are unique. But as of the moment, my husband and I are still together, fighting and working for that "forever" na sinasabi nila. Wala naman kasi talagang forever, lifetime pwede. Pero sa panahon ngayon ang relationship madaling mabali parang peanut brittle na galing sa Baguio.  


I wrote this post on 6/14/2017

Friday, June 16, 2017

Thank You For Your Part In My Journey


I need to disconnect myself with some few people. I believe that this is one way I can free myself from having extra negative thoughts. This may not sound right to some but I have to listen to what my heart is telling me. Part of me still want to keep in touch with these people because I should always try to seek for their good sides, and I believe they are many good in these people. But unfortunately, their goodness have not reached to me.


I don't think there is such a thing as one-sided friendship. They share their problems and other life issues to me and I try to understand their situation. There were times I did not understand but still I spend time to listen. I tried to be there because I did not want to let these people down by letting them feel that they were alone because no one wanted to listen to what they had to share or unload. Because there were times in my life I felt so alone and there was no one I could share my worries with and it was an awful feeling. I did not want them to feel that way and I never want any of my friends to feel ignored or taken for granted.

But these few people, I have to let them go. When I thought it was my turn to share with them something that's been eating up my energy, they were nowhere to find. Or at least they were not there for me. I'd rather not to have them as friends than having a one-sided friendship. 

Goodbye. I won't think about you anymore. I'm sorry I won't be there for you when you rant about those people who hate you because there's probably one great reason why they hate you. It's time you examine yourself and look at yourself from an outside perspective.

Friday, June 9, 2017

Have I Lost My Blogging Mojo?

My blog is around four years old. But before this pink blog was born, I used to write in Multiply, which I'm sure the site the millennials does not know about.  I have another blogger account but because I have extra-terrestrial powers, I lost it!

What happened to me during those time I was not blogging? Besides procrastinating (if not genuinely busy), I have been feeling melancholic since the end of 2016 until the first quarter of 2017. If this is synchronized with getting old, then so be it. Let's face it. I'm facing it. I'm getting old. Getting rheumatic, melodramatic and emotionally unpredictable. If you guys agree then dance with me!

I love to write. I have not mastered to write beautifully but I do it anyway. I feel like part of me is not complete if I don't write something down. If' I'm not to write my thoughts, I'd write a line of a song that I can most relate to during the moment. 

Back to the not so distant past, I suspected myself of going through depression. I was lonely and I could not explain it. Maybe part of it was an ugly experience I could not share here but the loneliness was something I have never felt before. It was worse than my first years of psoriasis, infertility years, and the death of  my father. So bad that if I would not wake up the following morning it was okay because everything seemed so meaningless. It felt like my life had no purpose. And the worst part? I felt so alone. No one was there for me. The online friends would "seen" zoned me when I said "hi".

I was wrong. It was not depression. Thank God.

I'm good now. Not at my best yet, but I'm doing at least okay than yesterday. Working hard to put on a happy face and disposition every single day. I'm on my way there and I want my blogging energy back. Not just in blogging but in life general as well. I hope things will go well, and maybe even better soon. I hope and pray and hope and pray....

As of this writing, there's just too many things in my mind. But buy me some time, I'm just gathering myself up and be back bouncing with life and energy (I'm motivating myself)




Thursday, May 25, 2017

My Life With Psoriasis

It's been almost ten years since I first notice a red itchy patch on my forehead, just next to my left brow. It looked silvery white and when I scratch it the white scales would fall out and reveal a redder raised skin. A couple of months later, I discovered new patches on my arm, navel and then my scalp. These round patches were so itchy that after trying some anti-fungal creams (because I thought at first they were some kind of nasty fungi) I went to see a dermatologist because I could no longer take the itch. It was then I found out about the skin disease known as psoriasis.


I cannot count how many dermatologist I have went to since then. I keep on changing doctors if they give me medicines that don't work, or when I sense that they do not have the sympathy on me. Some were honest to tell me there is no cure for this skin disease and some doctors just didn't care. None of these doctors helped me. Their prescriptions would only work with continuous use, but these are expensive I could not keep on using them as well for the fear of side effects. It was one of the most desperate moments of my life that I would cry myself to sleep, then wake up with blood in my fingers the next morning due to scratching my skin even when I'm asleep.


I stopped going to dermatologists and decided to just leave it all to prayers and trying some alternative medicines that I thought might helped. Researching on the internet what might help gave me a lot of confusion and stressed the hell out of me but if I thought that if I stopped trying my condition would get even worse. I was lucky that most of my spots are in the areas covered with clothes and mostly on my scalp.

It's very uncomfortable. I could not wear dark clothes. Dead skin is all over the house, they were all I get when I sweep the floor. At work I get so embarrassed because there's skin under my chair and around my work area. There was a time I had even asked God what have I done to deserve this. I did not even know anyone who had this disease in my family so where did this come from.

This photo was taken in 2008 where you can see the red part on my left brow.
As of this writing, my skin is just fine. I recently discovered that I get flare ups when I lack sleep and constipated. My scalp has never been good. I apply this cheap cream when I feel like I needed to but avoid it as much as I can. The patches on my arm are okay, not very red and I have a few big patches on my legs so I can't really wear shorts and dress. Lately I have been watching a lot of videos about psoriasis home and natural remedy and might try some of them. I have also started incorporated eating healthy food despite a little struggle sometimes.

 I have been dealing with this discomfort for a long time but I realized I should not stop and make it a part of my life. I will still find ways to make my skin well, if not at totally cured. This blog will serve as my diary. I will post updates about the things I have been doing to help  my condition. And if someone who is having the same disease accidentally discovers my blog, I hope it might help them too. There is nothing more depressing than feeling alone while battling this disease so I hope I can help them somehow.

I will not make this post very long, though obviously this is long enough. Expect more post from me about this ugly aspect of my daily living.

Until then...

Claire


Friday, April 21, 2017

I Know Nothing About Art But I Visited Pinto Art Museum Anyway

In all honesty, I learned nothing in my Humanities class back in college, blame my cute professor! It was all his fault. No, he wasn't incompetent, in fact I thought he was. It was just he was cuter than the lessons, hahahaha! Hi Sir, if you happen to come across this blog! I hope you still remember the thin girl with short hair sitting somewhere in the second row with her equally pretty friends :) (Landi!)

I have been planning to visit this museum which was not so far far away from where I live ever since I saw it on social media. When I finally had the free time, I forced my cousin to come with me since she was just sitting at home killing time while waiting for her papers to go back to UAE where she works. So off we went to Pinto Art Museum which was just a kendeng away from the city proper of Antipolo.

Let me share with you this really nice quote that I found in Instagram a couple of days ago:

"Once, Picasso was asked what his paintings meant.  He said, 'Do you ever know what the birds are singing?  You don't. But you listen to them anyway.' So, sometimes with art, it is important just to look."


Bingo! That's just us, right? The normal people who would not even distinguish which art is a Renaissance or whatever but just love looking at paintings and sculptures and anything that is called a work of art.

If you are not from anywhere near Antipolo, you won't be having a hard time looking for this place. Ask directions if you are driving your car, using the famous Antipolo church as the landmark, do this by singing along to the tune of Tayo Na Sa Antipolo, at Doon, Maligo Tayo! And if you're commuting, the jeepney and tricycle drivers would be willing to help you out, just yell "yeah, we're visiting the Pinto Art Museum, we're cool! I'm sure you wouldn't get lost! The place is very accessible.

Armed with my humble Samsung J7 Prime, I took more than a hundred photos when I was there so forgive me if I had a really hard time choosing the best one for you. So just scroll down and take a look, and I hope you like them:


At the entrance, you would be greeted by a staff, ask you to log your name on a record book, pay for P 200 each, (students and senior citizens have discounts) and a map of the place would be handed to you. Wow, the place was bigger and lovelier than I expected so I wished we came earlier in the morning (we arrived at around eleven so imagine the sun glaring brightly at us! The photo above was my first shot.

Pinto Art Museum is located in a residential area in Sierra Madre St., Grand Heights, Antipolo. I think it's not just enough to call it a museum alone. It's so big there's a chapel inside, a cafe, a swimming pool, the landscapes of beautifully manicured lawns, and with plenty of beds with white sheets in almost every corner, I don't know what to call it. Everyone who went there were so right, the place is Instagram worthy!


There was not a corner that I did not find anything artsy in here. I tried to look for a trash bin to check if they're also artistically made but I did not find one. Sorry, I should ask one of the staff pretending I was throwing away a candy wrapper. Maybe next time! :)


Photo above is one of my favorite spots. Inside this gallery are arts from the Ilocos region ( hope my memory serves me well, arts inside were labeled, correct me if I'm wrong and you've been there) And that curtain, which was made of something I wasn't sure if it was a fruit shell or what, I can't even tell. I would love to have something like that in my house!


Walls are all white, with windows that let light and air inside you would not need a flash for taking pictures. It was almost noon time so were a little sweaty wandering the place, but the cool air outside the gardens were relaxing. I wanted to jump in the pool but there was no sign that swimming was allowed,

One of the most memorable paintings I saw in my whole life was the famous Spoliarium during our field trip back in high school. The painting scared the hell out of me it even haunted me in my dreams, lol! Seriously, I wanted to see that painting again. Hope to check out the National Museum again soon. And take another back pose of me, like the photo above.


Back to Pinto Art Museum, there's a corner where I thought the paintings were alien inspired, because, the faces on those paintings were distorted and creepy, like that one above, and they were drunk. Now I regret that I did not really pay much attention to my art appreciation class back then. How would I interpret this painting now? Tsk tsk tsk!!! Ha ha ha!


Like they say, the place is a feast for the eyes, with so many beautiful and colorful paintings of all sizes, I lost count of how many galleries and rooms we entered, I even lost track of time I did not expect that two hours was not enough to see the whole place! If you're planning to come here, make sure to wear comfortable clothes and shoes, don't wear high heels and heavy make up. For art's sake, just don't, lol!


It was a weekday when we went there but there were a number of people inside, even in the cafe, so imagine this place on weekends and holidays right? The museum is open on Tuesdays to Sundays, and I assumed they have some maintenance works on Mondays, where they are closed. Better check the schedule :)


At first I was only interested to have a few cute pictures for my boring IG account, but the place would make you appreciate the beauty in even the simplest of things... like...uhm... a door. Okay, not funny! You know what I mean, right?  Who owns the place? What does he do for a living? Go google! There are plenty of articles written about this all over the net. Go check this article HERE very helpful.

Amazing view over one of the decks, and one blog I visited,  here you can watch the beautiful view of the sunset. Are you among us who loves the sunset? This place is for you! I would surely come back here for the sunset!

There's a place off limits to visitors. I guess these are still under construction, I'm thinking it would be really worth it to go back and hopefully these constructions in progress are done. I'm not exaggerating if I tell you a second visit is worth it. Namnamin ang ganda ng paligid! Maybe I would try a meal or drink in the cafe, if I have extra money.


Can you imagine life without art? I can't! Thank God for art! When things in life hits us really hard, sometimes it's art that helps us go through and cope with it. It helps us pour our frustrations and hopelessness into a meaningful kind of experience.

So! I'm running out of thing to say, but there's just one thing I want to tell you. Don't just be contented in seeing this in photos. Go see these art pieces for yourself. It's really worth it!

PS, all photos above are mine, raw and unedited. I did not  use any filter at all.

Thank you and leave a comment, tell me what you think, I'd love to hear it!

xoxo,
Claire

Friday, March 31, 2017

Can We Have Spring in the RP?

It's been hotter outside lately, summer is really getting into my nerves. Sometimes I think and argue with myself if I should feel lucky because I work in a space with an airconditioning unit right behind my back spitting cold air that pierce through my soul, literally and figuratively, because there were times it makes me feel miserable, and an utter sense of low self-esteem I cannot explain. No, there is no reason to feel lucky in this situation. I have thought of quitting my job but that's just not the wisest thing to do at present. So I'd keep my feelings to myself and be very patient for as long as I can bear it.

I should write about spring in the Philippines but where did my first paragraph go? Sorry loves! My back is aching right this very moment I'm writing this :) Spring, according to the web is the season between winter and summer. We don't have winter here, and our seasons are called wet and dry and you all know how wet and how dry we all can be in our beautiful archipelago.

I recently read a fiction where the story happened in Virginia, and in the novel, they have one of the loveliest spring in the US. Yes, I have imagined all the details the author have in the book and I wanted to go right there to see the colorful spring they've got. I wish we have that here. I can only dream of sitting under a tree with orange, red and yellow leaves looking like they're trying to outnumber each other. Anyway, enough about spring dreaming, I promise to visit Virginia during it's springtime when I get filthy rich! Hahahah!

Tomorrow is April 1! Wow! We are done with the first quarter of 2017 and what have I done?! Well, I have filled my Instagram with lots of beautiful photos. Hey, they are beautiful to me, don't argue! :D And here's one of my favorite:


I'm glad that it's Friday. This week has been shitty! I'm sorry for the word. Some people at work really tested my patience, and I failed when I promised myself I'd still be nice. But I'm still glad I was able to not to get so stressed. I'm happy this week has already passed and come Saturday, my sweet laundry is waiting for me.

Oh life!  Hey, this is my boring IG https://www.instagram.com/clairepfied/ you might want to follow me. Let me know you read this post. I love you! :)




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