Sunday, April 29, 2018

Sad, Hurt and Self-Pitying

This was how my week was. Tuesday morning at work when I heard the news that another friend at work is leaving. All employees in my department that left had the same reason, but not all were brave enough to be really honest about it.

I'm sad because I have stayed for so long I have witnessed people come and go. Most of them had become close to my heart and working with them made the everyday stress of our jobs seemed to be lighter. They will be replaced by someone else but there could be no one else like them. They were amazing people and I know that it's the company's loss for letting them go.

I feel hurt because all that left had the same feeling of resentment. It's as if their stay was not important and they had done nothing important to the company they had served in those times. They felt they were not valued and I really think that that was not fair. I could not believe words I heard from the person I respected all these years, that there was nothing she could do about our situation. I believe she had the power and influence to do something great that could touch her people's life and make it better. She could have done something. She could do better, and we are not stupid to believe that she was powerless when she said so. Did she really think we were stupid?

All these years she did not care about us when we care so much about the company that has been our second family. I am feeling the same for I have spent most of my time at work and I know to myself that I have loved the company the way I love my family and all I'd hear from the people I have served is them telling me they're sorry Im leaving. And that's that for the long years of my service.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Daydreaming and Worrying

I have been daydreaming and worrying for the past couple of days. I know it's useless to worry but I can't help it. I worry about my health. I also worry about my husband's health. Sometimes there's something I feel about my body, particularly in my stomach. It's not really pain. It's just something weird. Most of the time I dismiss those thoughts. It's just maybe because my eating habits have changed for the past months. And may be my worrying may be caused by my father dying of lymphoma. I saw how his strong body was destroyed by cancer cells in such a short time and I feel fear of happening that again to any member of my family. My husband's health is not as perfect too. He has some medical record we cannot disclose to anyone. Sometimes I yell at him for eating something unhealthy, and for adding a lot of sugar to his coffee. We've been trying to eat healthy and I should really practice not to worry now.

Meanwhile, in the middle of work, I daydream. I dream of retiring from this job. I dream of freeing myself from the rat race called corporate life. I dream of emancipating myself from being a corporate slave. My dream retirement would be living in the province, particularly in the province of my ancestors in Catanduanes. It's a beautiful island full of places untouched by commercialization. I dream of owning a small farm, with my house in there and me and my husband managing the farm. While managing a farm, I also work as a freelancer doing home-based projects like research or writing. With my mba, I could teach in the island's state university, who knows?  I would do it for fun, the earning is just a bonus. The farm and the house is just near where my relatives live, either my father or my mother's side. They're just some few kilometers apart anyway. 

Our home would have space so our siblings and their families in the city have a place to stay if they want to spend the summer in the island. They could stay there for months without worrying about food. They will eat all organic during their stay. And on weekends we would visit a beach or falls and rivers and spend the whole day there, and would go back home before sun sets with our pick up truck and have a perfect evening scrolling through our social media feeds chatting with our close friends and family in far away places. I would create a blog about farming and living the provincial life, and our friends in the city would be messaging me about this awesome place. How wonderful, right?!

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

My Long Weekend Was

Last April 8, my family went out for a day tour in Batangas. My nieces and nephews wanted to swim in the sea waters and get some sunburn. My whole family, except for my mother and my aunt who refused to join because the ride was too exhausting for their age and we were joined by some other relatives. Our plan was Manuel Uy resort in Calatagan, but when we reached the place at sunrise the beach was already full. There were many people and vehicles waiting by the gates of the resort, and that’s probably because the place has become popular in social media when some travel bloggers share beautiful photos of the place. And holy cow did we forget it was a holiday long weekend. I actually warned my sister but they did not listen. Lesson learned.

And so we searched for an alternative resort. I felt disappointed but since we were already there, might as well enjoy the time. We had no other option but Matabungkay resort, since the other resorts nearby were either expensive (hello Stilts) nor just not ---- well, we can’t swim in there.

The cottages in the resort are made of bamboo and were all floating in the water. Most of which are old, and you can say that it’s been floating in there for ages, judging by the moss that stuck everywhere.  The beach was too crowded and the water was not very clean anymore. You can see people just don’t care about the trash floating around, and were not even aware that their own trash went floating in the water. The place was too noisy, men drinking Emperador and smoking cigarettes, on the shore some women belting some Beyonce song, and there were shouting and loud chatting everywhere.

We rented a boat and went to a short ride to a nearby private resort that’s clean and quiet. The boat driver told us that a businessman owns the property. The place was lovely. The sand was white, the waters are clean and clear there were even small starfishes in the water. I wanted to stay there for hours, but we were not allowed so we just took pictures instead and went back to our cottage.

I had a good time though I was tired from the trip. Despite the disappointments from not being able to go with the original plan,  I was glad to have spent some time with my family. I was just a little upset seeing people sabotaging our seas, and the environment as well. It’s just sad that there’s trash everywhere. We were charged an environment fee of twenty five pesos per head but where does the money go? Are the government of Batangas won’t do anything to protect their beaches? I guess it’s not really the government to blame, but the people also. Most Filipinos are a bunch of undisciplined people who would only think about nothing but personal gain. If these people won’t do their share in protecting the planet, I pity the future generation.  Even if the president close all the beaches in our country, but we are not doing our share, that’s nothing. It’s our collective actions that will reveal how much we care, and if most of us are assholes on our planet, then expect an asshole-r earth! Gosh!

I have read reviews from travel blogger about that Manuel Uy resort, and one said that the beach was really lovely, except that people started to flock in this place and leaving their trash behind. I just hope that those travel bloggers are at the same time would send the message, not only to the resort owners but also to the people going there to be responsible enough in taking care of the planet. Travel bloggers are social media influencers. Their opinions matter to people who read their blogs, and they should highlight in their reviews about people’s responsibilities when visiting these places. Just saying.

I need to end this post. I should probably write a separate one about my experience with seeing parents setting bad examples to their children about being abusive to the environment, so bye for now.

Monday, April 9, 2018

Another Long Weekend Down

I had a good weekend I forgot today is Monday. The long weekend is over and tomorow is the normal busy work days. 

Anyway, I am thankful for the weekend.  🤗

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Buhay Introvert

Introvert – sabi ng Merriam-Webster app na nasa phone ko,  (verb)it means to turn inward or in upon itself, (noun) a shy person: a quiet person who does not find it easy to talk to other people.

High school and college years, hindi ko alam yung word na introvert. Ngayon lang matanda nako na discover ko yan. Saktong sakto kasi noong bata pa ako mahiyain talaga ako. Pag may bisita sa bahay, hindi ako lalabas, nagtatago ako sa mga taong hindi ko kilala. Dala ko yan hanggang ngayon. Yes, hanggang ngayon!

But sympre things change as people grow. Nabawasan ang pagiging mahiyain ko. I can talk to strangers when asking for directions or information. Pero hindi parin madali sakin maki chika, or inititate conversations, or break the ice, or make instant friends. I don’t know why pero feeling ko uubusin lahat ang lakas ko pag nakipag usap ako sa strangers, lalo na kung crowd.

Isa sa mga reasons kung bakit ako nag MBA is to challenge my introversion.  For the last many years, pareho mga taong nakakasalamuha ko sa araw araw. Uhm medyo nagsasawa nako sa mga mukha nila, hahaha! Joklang!  Pero feel ko talaga ma challenge  sarili ko maka meet ng ibang faces. Yun lang, hesitant talaga ko lumapit sa strangers makipag usap. First day of school, luckily may dalawang friendly na millennial ang nag approach sakin habang inaantay ang pagbubukas ng classroom. Mababait sila and hopefully madagdagan pa ang mga friends ko sa school hanggang sa matapos ko tong course nato.

Sobrang hanga ko lang sa mga taong madaling makipag kaibigan ng instant. Yung ten minutes pa lang kayong nag uusap parang close sila agad. Samantalang ako, feeling ko ayaw ako lapitan ng mga tao. Mabait naman ako. Ayoko nga lang sa mga taong palautang, hahaha!

Teka, kaming mga introverts ay hindi anti-social. Iba yun. Hindi kami galit sa tao. Mas prefer lang namin na mag isa most of the time, pero may mga panahon na kelangan namin ng company.  Sympre we still need connection, just like normal beings.

Mahirap maging introvert. According to this group sa fb na nag joiners ako, Filipino Introverts Group kung tawagin, ay madalas sa hindi misunderstood ang mga introverts. Andyan yang mga accusations na walang pakisama, anti-social, galit sa tao, galit sa mundo, at kung ano ano pa. Grabe sila no?

Anyway, akala ko noon mawawala din ang pagiging introvert. In my case, matanda na ko introvert pa din. Tingnan ko pagdating ko ng 40+ balitaan ko kayo. Dyan lang kayo ha?! May intro ba dyan??

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

When Half My Body Is On Bakasyon Mode

Malapit na!!!! Konting tulog na lang, bakasyon na! Marami nakong oras para matulog! Charott! That’s charott with a double T! Hahaha!

Excited and lola! Sino bang hindi ma eexcite, ilang araw walang trabaho, pero may bayad! Tapos na rin ang school ko, akalain ko bang naka 15 units natapos ko ng ganun lang!  33 units down to my MBA degree! Teka ano ba gagawin ko pagkatapos ko sa MBA? Ay saka ko nayan iispin. Compre at thesis muna kahit malayo pa! Ahahahah!

Teka dapat kausap ko sarili ko, blog ko to! Ay hindi tama, ang kausap ko kunyari dito ay yung best friend ko na nag iisang nagbabasa ng blog ko!

Masaya lang ako kasi malapit na ang April. April fools day, araw ng magiting, summer, mainit, halo halo, mais con yelo, saka ice candy! Sugar rush! Kebs kung magalit na naman ang skin ko sa tamis! Ang hirap ng sensitive skin, pati pala mga mahirap tinatablan nito. Kala ko pang mayaman lang ang sensitive skin. Buti na maraming products na afford ng mga tulad kong pobre with sensitive skin.

So sa darating na bakasyon, hindi naman talaga ako magbabakasyon. Walang budget ang kagandahan ko at beach body ko. Sayang yung mga two-piece bikini ko, pero dyan lang sila dahil magagamit ko rin sila. Mag tu-tupiss ako habang naglalaba at naglilinis ng banyo.

Staycation goals:

1.       1Tapusin i marathon lahat ng K drama na nakasave sa hard drive ko. Pati narin lahat ng movies dun na hindi ko pa napanood.

2.      2.  Mag de clutter. Dami ko pang kalat sa bahay. Na inspire ako sa mga Japanese style of minimalism so I might as well incorporate this in my personal life.

3.      3.  Ano pa ba? Gumala? Ewan! Pero kung libre or mura lang, sige gora sa gala. Pag may magyaya!

4.       4. Food trip! Bakit ito nasa number 4 dapat una to?

5.      5.   Magbasa ng fiction. Dahil pahinga ang beauty ko sa mga research sa school chenez samantalahin kong magbasa ng mga cheezy romance at anything fiction. Need ko rin matuto mag speed reading.

6.      6.  Wala na kong maisip. Tama na siguro yan.

7.       7.  Sinabi ng tama na eh!

8.      Sorry  nag o automatic kasi yung numbering eh (naka Word po kasi to) hihihi!

Sa totoo lang gusto kong magbabad sa tubig dagat suot ang pinaka sexy kong swimsuit (nasa department store pa) habang ang malamig na simoy ng hangin ay dumadampi sa aking balat. Mga alon na humahampas sa aking paanan, habang ako ay naglalakad sa dalampasigan. Tatanawin ang bakas ng bawat yapak, habang binubura ng alon kasama ng aking mga pangarap...

Teka, bruha ka, wala kang budget pang dagat. Throwback na lang muna, hahahaha!

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