Sunday, June 17, 2018

Wedding And Then Some

It's Sunday morning. I heard the rain from inside the house earlier but the sun is shining now. I'm here at the mall alone, ( I treated myself a cup) sipping my cafe latte doing nothing so I'm typing this post using my phone. My husband is busy, enjoying the charity ride with his group somewhere in Montalban. He loves to bike, so I let him ride with a group of other bike loving men once in a while. Today is fathers day, but since my father has been gone for years now and my husband has not fathered a child, I have to dismiss this loneliness that could loom anytime.

I had a great week that passed. I attended a wedding last June 9 where it was also my first time as a principal sponsor. In Filipino tradition, principal sponsors act as godparents to the couple, and though I feel a little too young (at 37) to be their godmother, it was okay. In fact I was excited since the last formal wedding that I attended was my own, which was eleven years ago. And I'm happy because the bride is a close friend and know a lot about their love story and I know they are going to be good husband and wife and future parents. The best part of the ceremony was the kissing the bride part. It's probably a once in a lifetime experince to witness a couple's first kiss on their wedding day, I know if you're reading this, you won't believe it but it's true. So I put my phone away (i know almost everyone is recording) and just enjoy the moment. And I feel so happy for the couple it almost made me cry. Almost :)

Also this week, my husband and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary. We made it past ten!!! I often joke about it telling him "Wow, ( number of years) na nating tinitiis ang isat isa!" (Wow, we've been enduring each other for ( number) of years!) And we would just laugh about it. The past eleven years were a lot of highs and lows, and rock bottom for me. But we're still here and I'm happy to have him and we're growing old together. We don't have much but I'm happy and I'm so grateful for that.

It's been raining this past week. On the other side, it's nice to have a little lot of rain after weeks of humid weather that made every fold of my body sweat. Rain falls and sun shines and clouds roll by alternately at this time. A few days ago, a pregnancy announcement breaks my all-okay-I-can-face-life's-challenges-happy self. I asked the air under my chin when will this feeling ever end? As much as I wanted to be happy for that person, the pain in every fiber of me is so strong, it consumes me until surrendering to this heartache is all I could do. I want to be happy for their happiness but it feels like I'm trying to light a candle with a wet matchstick during a big storm. It's me and really sorry for feeling this way. Infertility sucks.

The mall is getting crowded now. I could use a few hundreds to buy something to reward myself for being a good wife, daughter, aunt, employee, and finishing summer classes for my graduate studies. Bye for now :)

Thursday, June 7, 2018

What Happened to May?

Hi blog! It’s been a while since my last post. Nobody cares, but I do! (Big smile) There’s nothing new in my routine, so I guess there’s nothing much to blog about. There are no significant changes, really. My weight is still around fifty kilograms, no gain no loss but I’m fine with that. I only want to lose my belly fat, and I have not had any new pimples so far. So I believe that life is going better for me.

Have I told you I had been drinking lemon water first thing in the morning for the past five months? I squeeze half a lemon in a cup of hot (not that hot) water and drink it first thing when I wake up every morning. I don’t see any drastic change in my body, but I feel a little better lately. So I’m gonna continue doing this until I get tired of doing it, lol!

And my attempt to establish this routine of exercising for about fifteen minutes every morning has not been very successful. I want to exercise for health though, not for vanity. I’m old and married to be vain. I’m not saying that being vain is for young and single people though, but I’m in the stage of my life where looks is not that very important anymore. My husband (and maybe the people around me) are okay with the way I look. Though I exert extra effort to get clear skin (my face) because it’s been my dream to get that clear and young looking face, but with my limited budget, maybe I just need to learn to be contented with what I have, and what I can afford.

I have finished twenty one units in my MBA, and I’m quite happy with it. A year ago, I never thought I would get this far. Summer classes is almost over. We still have class on June 9 but there’s a wedding I need to attend on that day, and luckily the exam we are going to have in my one subject is a take home exam, we’ll just wait for it in our emails and pass it to our professor on the sixteenth. 

And in between my work, mall and market visit, and family visit in my home town, I watch a lot of educational videos, TED Talks, and anything I find interesting in Youtube. I'm trying to go back to reading and I wish myself some luck on this!

That’s it, I finished twenty one units, and some more to go. I don’t know what the future holds but for now, I’ll just do what I should do, go with the flow, and enjoy life as it is, right now.
I guess that’s it for now. This has been my life lately. Until next blog post from your tita! Hahahah!

Sunday, April 29, 2018

Sad, Hurt and Self-Pitying

This was how my week was. Tuesday morning at work when I heard the news that another friend at work is leaving. All employees in my department that left had the same reason, but not all were brave enough to be really honest about it.

I'm sad because I have stayed for so long I have witnessed people come and go. Most of them had become close to my heart and working with them made the everyday stress of our jobs seemed to be lighter. They will be replaced by someone else but there could be no one else like them. They were amazing people and I know that it's the company's loss for letting them go.

I feel hurt because all that left had the same feeling of resentment. It's as if their stay was not important and they had done nothing important to the company they had served in those times. They felt they were not valued and I really think that that was not fair. I could not believe words I heard from the person I respected all these years, that there was nothing she could do about our situation. I believe she had the power and influence to do something great that could touch her people's life and make it better. She could have done something. She could do better, and we are not stupid to believe that she was powerless when she said so. Did she really think we were stupid?

All these years she did not care about us when we care so much about the company that has been our second family. I am feeling the same for I have spent most of my time at work and I know to myself that I have loved the company the way I love my family and all I'd hear from the people I have served is them telling me they're sorry Im leaving. And that's that for the long years of my service.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Daydreaming and Worrying

I have been daydreaming and worrying for the past couple of days. I know it's useless to worry but I can't help it. I worry about my health. I also worry about my husband's health. Sometimes there's something I feel about my body, particularly in my stomach. It's not really pain. It's just something weird. Most of the time I dismiss those thoughts. It's just maybe because my eating habits have changed for the past months. And may be my worrying may be caused by my father dying of lymphoma. I saw how his strong body was destroyed by cancer cells in such a short time and I feel fear of happening that again to any member of my family. My husband's health is not as perfect too. He has some medical record we cannot disclose to anyone. Sometimes I yell at him for eating something unhealthy, and for adding a lot of sugar to his coffee. We've been trying to eat healthy and I should really practice not to worry now.

Meanwhile, in the middle of work, I daydream. I dream of retiring from this job. I dream of freeing myself from the rat race called corporate life. I dream of emancipating myself from being a corporate slave. My dream retirement would be living in the province, particularly in the province of my ancestors in Catanduanes. It's a beautiful island full of places untouched by commercialization. I dream of owning a small farm, with my house in there and me and my husband managing the farm. While managing a farm, I also work as a freelancer doing home-based projects like research or writing. With my mba, I could teach in the island's state university, who knows?  I would do it for fun, the earning is just a bonus. The farm and the house is just near where my relatives live, either my father or my mother's side. They're just some few kilometers apart anyway. 

Our home would have space so our siblings and their families in the city have a place to stay if they want to spend the summer in the island. They could stay there for months without worrying about food. They will eat all organic during their stay. And on weekends we would visit a beach or falls and rivers and spend the whole day there, and would go back home before sun sets with our pick up truck and have a perfect evening scrolling through our social media feeds chatting with our close friends and family in far away places. I would create a blog about farming and living the provincial life, and our friends in the city would be messaging me about this awesome place. How wonderful, right?!

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

My Long Weekend Was

Last April 8, my family went out for a day tour in Batangas. My nieces and nephews wanted to swim in the sea waters and get some sunburn. My whole family, except for my mother and my aunt who refused to join because the ride was too exhausting for their age and we were joined by some other relatives. Our plan was Manuel Uy resort in Calatagan, but when we reached the place at sunrise the beach was already full. There were many people and vehicles waiting by the gates of the resort, and that’s probably because the place has become popular in social media when some travel bloggers share beautiful photos of the place. And holy cow did we forget it was a holiday long weekend. I actually warned my sister but they did not listen. Lesson learned.

And so we searched for an alternative resort. I felt disappointed but since we were already there, might as well enjoy the time. We had no other option but Matabungkay resort, since the other resorts nearby were either expensive (hello Stilts) nor just not ---- well, we can’t swim in there.

The cottages in the resort are made of bamboo and were all floating in the water. Most of which are old, and you can say that it’s been floating in there for ages, judging by the moss that stuck everywhere.  The beach was too crowded and the water was not very clean anymore. You can see people just don’t care about the trash floating around, and were not even aware that their own trash went floating in the water. The place was too noisy, men drinking Emperador and smoking cigarettes, on the shore some women belting some Beyonce song, and there were shouting and loud chatting everywhere.

We rented a boat and went to a short ride to a nearby private resort that’s clean and quiet. The boat driver told us that a businessman owns the property. The place was lovely. The sand was white, the waters are clean and clear there were even small starfishes in the water. I wanted to stay there for hours, but we were not allowed so we just took pictures instead and went back to our cottage.

I had a good time though I was tired from the trip. Despite the disappointments from not being able to go with the original plan,  I was glad to have spent some time with my family. I was just a little upset seeing people sabotaging our seas, and the environment as well. It’s just sad that there’s trash everywhere. We were charged an environment fee of twenty five pesos per head but where does the money go? Are the government of Batangas won’t do anything to protect their beaches? I guess it’s not really the government to blame, but the people also. Most Filipinos are a bunch of undisciplined people who would only think about nothing but personal gain. If these people won’t do their share in protecting the planet, I pity the future generation.  Even if the president close all the beaches in our country, but we are not doing our share, that’s nothing. It’s our collective actions that will reveal how much we care, and if most of us are assholes on our planet, then expect an asshole-r earth! Gosh!

I have read reviews from travel blogger about that Manuel Uy resort, and one said that the beach was really lovely, except that people started to flock in this place and leaving their trash behind. I just hope that those travel bloggers are at the same time would send the message, not only to the resort owners but also to the people going there to be responsible enough in taking care of the planet. Travel bloggers are social media influencers. Their opinions matter to people who read their blogs, and they should highlight in their reviews about people’s responsibilities when visiting these places. Just saying.

I need to end this post. I should probably write a separate one about my experience with seeing parents setting bad examples to their children about being abusive to the environment, so bye for now.

Monday, April 9, 2018

Another Long Weekend Down

I had a good weekend I forgot today is Monday. The long weekend is over and tomorow is the normal busy work days. 

Anyway, I am thankful for the weekend.  🤗
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