On Death

 For the past since months alone, my mother has been in and out of the hospital. About four times she was confined for at least three days, the longest was ten days. I have watched my father succumbed to cancer, my mother and siblings took care of him while I was living with my in laws that time. It was me whom the doctor talked to and said it was cancer. This time with my mother, it was me again.

I think I have said this to my husband before but I sometime again this year I said to him again that if I ever get cancer or get terribly sick, don't try to get me in some expensive and long term treatments. I told him to remarry if I die young. He just ignored it, or did no entertain the horrible idea. 

Having a family member getting cancer makes it like the whole family has cancer too. It's that horrible. Science have succeeded at making some form of cancer curable, especially when detected early, but some of these patients gets the cancer back after years. 

I have been watching people who have experienced with near death experience in Youtube and I was surprised there were a lot of them. Most of them are Americans, I have not found a lot of Asians and found one Filipino. Hearing their stories make me feel at peace about the people I know who have died. If these were real, then there's no reason to fear death.

I stopped going attending church, an organized religion many years ago. Some times I come with my husband as respect to his faith, which he has been to since he was born. I told him that I don't believe in that this church teaches anymore about God because the God I know and believed in my heart was not like what the pastors have been telling the people. I know he respects me and I respect him as well, and we just avoided talking about it but I won't and will ever ever argue with him about.

I believe that God is an ever loving God who does not judge people. I believe that when we die, our souls deserve a better place despite what church we attended while we were alive, even those who do not attended church or who never had religions. I don't believe that heaven is an exclusive place. I'd rather call it "home", we will all go back to where we came from, which is the perfect place, there was nothing but love and misery is unknown. That's what I believe. 

(If you know me and you accidentally stumbled upon this blog, please don't judge. I write here what I think in the moment because I have no one to share it with at the moment) Thanks.