Wednesday, October 16, 2013

"Life Sucks!" - the 19-year-old me

I saw my old notebook-turned-diary while de-cluttering some many weeks ago. That blue notebook where I wrote all the crappy things that was all in my mind (and heart) when I was in college. I had written the year 1999 on the very first page, on the second page I wrote about how I felt about ending 1999 and welcoming the new millennium.

I used all the 80 pages of that notebook, yes I filled it with my thoughts from first to the last page. Memories all came back to me as the dust filled my nostrils. I flipped the pages some more and read what I wrote. I was surprised or rather shocked, when I saw this:

Two words, and exclamation point filled the whole page repeatedly. Not that I don't remember writing this, but I could not believe how I hated the world and life in general back then. I was all complain, pessimist, no self-confidence and almost tend to believe in every ugly aspects of life but no I did not hate life then. But this was the evidence,  my own hand writing and it's staring back at me, glaring.

Not only that, look how insecure I was:
This is a line from a song which I already forgot the title. I could not believe I was willing to trade my life with somebody else's! Okay, I have to forgive my self, one day lang naman eh! :)

Reading that blue notebook did not bring any of my feelings that time. It just made me laugh about myself, especially with the crushes part. Yuck, I can't believe I had a crush on that weird guy, eww..!

So anyway, now you met the nineteen year old me. I am so embarrassed like a mother of a misbehaving daughter. But I'm sure that's just the typical teenager, right? 

Back to the present, if you spotted me in this very nice restaurant review would you say that I hate life?

Hope you guys have a great day! :)



  1. Oh, I could so relate! Back when I was a teen until my early 20's I was so fueled by angst and always depressed and stuff. Bago pa nauso ang emo, nalaos ko na ang pagiging depressed. Haha.

    1. Yes sis, ang hilig ko rin magsuot ng black noong mga panahong yon :)

  2. Isnt it funny reading about our teenage angst? I wonder what event triggered that whole page of "Life sucks".:)
    I also kept a diary when I was a teen. Too bad my sisters read it. Until now, they still tease me about my crushes. Grrr!

    1. Honestly I don't remember what happened that time, maybe everything about my life then. Thanks! :)

  3. Replies
    1. I'm sure meron ka din? Ilabas mo na sis! :) hehehe

  4. You have beautiful penmanship tho. Hahahaha. Parang journal ko lang din. Sa sobrang hiya ko sa pinagsusulat ko, I burned it :P

    1. Thanks, bakit mo sinunog, sayang, hehe! :)


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