Wednesday, October 16, 2013

"Life Sucks!" - the 19-year-old me

I saw my old notebook-turned-diary while de-cluttering some many weeks ago. That blue notebook where I wrote all the crappy things that was all in my mind (and heart) when I was in college. I had written the year 1999 on the very first page, on the second page I wrote about how I felt about ending 1999 and welcoming the new millennium.

I used all the 80 pages of that notebook, yes I filled it with my thoughts from first to the last page. Memories all came back to me as the dust filled my nostrils. I flipped the pages some more and read what I wrote. I was surprised or rather shocked, when I saw this:

Two words, and exclamation point filled the whole page repeatedly. Not that I don't remember writing this, but I could not believe how I hated the world and life in general back then. I was all complain, pessimist, no self-confidence and almost tend to believe in every ugly aspects of life but no I did not hate life then. But this was the evidence,  my own hand writing and it's staring back at me, glaring.

Not only that, look how insecure I was:
This is a line from a song which I already forgot the title. I could not believe I was willing to trade my life with somebody else's! Okay, I have to forgive my self, one day lang naman eh! :)

Reading that blue notebook did not bring any of my feelings that time. It just made me laugh about myself, especially with the crushes part. Yuck, I can't believe I had a crush on that weird guy, eww..!

So anyway, now you met the nineteen year old me. I am so embarrassed like a mother of a misbehaving daughter. But I'm sure that's just the typical teenager, right? 

Back to the present, if you spotted me in this very nice restaurant review would you say that I hate life?


Hope you guys have a great day! :)

Love,
Claire




8 comments:

  1. Oh, I could so relate! Back when I was a teen until my early 20's I was so fueled by angst and always depressed and stuff. Bago pa nauso ang emo, nalaos ko na ang pagiging depressed. Haha.

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    1. Yes sis, ang hilig ko rin magsuot ng black noong mga panahong yon :)

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  2. Isnt it funny reading about our teenage angst? I wonder what event triggered that whole page of "Life sucks".:)
    I also kept a diary when I was a teen. Too bad my sisters read it. Until now, they still tease me about my crushes. Grrr!

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    1. Honestly I don't remember what happened that time, maybe everything about my life then. Thanks! :)

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  3. Replies
    1. I'm sure meron ka din? Ilabas mo na sis! :) hehehe

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  4. You have beautiful penmanship tho. Hahahaha. Parang journal ko lang din. Sa sobrang hiya ko sa pinagsusulat ko, I burned it :P

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, bakit mo sinunog, sayang, hehe! :)

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