Saturday, August 9, 2014

An Open Letter To My Departed Father

Dear Papa,

How are you? It's only been two months since you left but it felt like years already. Sorry if I never got the chance to tell you this, but I'm hoping that somehow this message would reach you. You know that I'm very emotional (see that my tears starts to flow when I'm not yet even finished writing the second sentence) and not very vocal with my feelings, but I know that you know how much I love you.

You leaving us was the worst thing that happened in my life. It was very painful, it is until today and I can never really tell how long will this pain linger. That day I found out you were seriously sick, it seemed like time stopped, my life stopped, and so for the rest of us, your family.

You were so strong, never imagined that in those few months you'd be gone. I wanted to fight for you to live a little longer,  I prayed hard, even bargained with God. You were a fighter, as I've always known you when I was small. My faith doubled when I saw you had all the hopes and trusted that God would help us. But as weeks gone by, your body got weaker and weaker, and so was my faith. Maybe that was what meant to happen. And it happened. I trusted God that your life had to end that way. I trusted God that it had to be that way. Sad though, but maybe that was what God really wanted it to be.....

Your death was painful. That pain I had never felt in my whole life. I thought it was better hearing the news that you were dead than watching your weak body that only your eyes were moving. Either was both painful, and sad, I could not explain but it really felt terrible.

Why you never told us you had many friends? We were overwhelmed by the number of people who visited your wake. People came and went, most of them we never met (or if we did I never remembered). They have spoken so many good things about you, not the normal things you hear in the wake of someone who died, but they were there thanking us for how kind you've been to them when you were alive. They've even told stories about their moments with you and I was even surprised why I did not see that side of you as a person.

Your life was not wasted. I only regret those times that I should have spent with you, and that hurts big time. When you got sick and died, and even until this time I think of you. It's painful to think about you gone. I would wake up in the middle of the night and it's your face I see. I avoid being alone, I avoid getting idle because the pain that your death brings keep haunting me. But then, I'd rather feel pain than not remember you. I would teach myself to think of you and not feel pain but maybe it will take time. I know I should be okay, because I know that wherever you are you are more than okay. Remember when you accepted salvation and believed that Jesus death saved you from damnation?

Thank you so much Papa for being the best father you could ever be and I thank God it was you He used to bring me to this world. I was blessed having both of you as my parents. Thank you for everything! Many will miss you, that's for sure! I could not think of anything more to say, but while I'm waiting for that day to seeing you again, life has to go on. Enjoy heaven! :)

Your youngest daughter,

1 comment:

  1. Hi Claire! I havent been blogging in a really long time so I havent visited my blogger account and it is only now that I knew about your father. I am so sorry to hear about your father. I can so relate to your pain. My dad passed on 10 years ago and it still hurts like hell. Time has dulled the pain but we dont stop missing him.
    I miss you, and again, my condolences.


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