Saturday, December 10, 2016

Closing Time

This year, I turned thirty six. Okay, this is probably a stupid way to begin my last post for the year since aging one year in a year is obvious. Okay, I need to work harder to improve my writing/blogging, and that is, coming up with a very nice title should be included. You see I borrowed that Semisonic song for my year end post title. Yep, a little too early for a year end post but that's because December is a busy month and I don't get a lot of internet access at home because I blog at work (this should be a secret, hush) and I'm just too lazy to blog this month but I need to give myself some credit for the effort! (Nice self)

"Every  new beginning comes from some other beginning's end". 

Am I the only one who gets a little over dramatic with each ending to beginning a new revolution of the earth around the sun? I hope not. I hope it is perfectly normal. This is just the perfect time to assess the past three hundred and sixty five point twenty five days to make the next year better. The past year's events, the outcome of the plans and decisions are a good basis for creating new ones. But then, again, life is full of surprises!

So what do I post now? What was my 2016 like? I won't say I had the best year of my life because it was not a really good year to me but I'm grateful and thankful for everything that I had gone through. It made me a better woman that I was in 2015. This year has been a little difficult in some aspect of my life. I had once again experienced emotionally hitting the bottom without anyone knowing about it. This year dreams were still elusive and.

I did not have any courage to share the burden with anyone for the fear of being judged

and seeking for help was not something I has mastered to do. This year, I had been afraid. This year, I thought I'd played safe.

But despite the not so good year, I am thankful and grateful. Those moments where I felt so utterly alone had me realized I am stronger than I thought I was. Those times when I felt myself lacking in what everything seemed like could make my life complete, I learned sympathy, empathy, and gratitude. Those moments when I had separated myself from people whom I thought cared for me, I sought God without questioning and bargaining. I realized I could not change a lot of things, but to look at things in a better perspective.

I had been less religious but I still feel a deep desire to get a much deeper relationship with God, and I believed that did not need a religion. This year, I felt a sense of freedom from what the path that the world has expected me to tread, by learning from other women's experiences through their online journal where they selflessly shared their struggles.

Dear Lord, I thank You for the gift of life, for the loving people You blessed me with and these experiences that taught me to always believe and have faith in You, and to trust myself that I can do so much better with the life You gave me by always seeking for Your guidance.

As of this writing, I don't have any concrete plans for the next year yet. I am good at planning but bad at the execution part. By the time this post get published, I'm probably lying in my bed catching up with my reading back logs.

I guess I have said enough, and please bear with me while I use this picture of myself below because I'm wearing my favorite worn out shirt. Hahaha! Happy Holidays!

Xoxo - Claire

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