Wednesday, December 19, 2012

What I Thought Was Missing In My Life

It happened to me more than once.  That point in my life where I felt like I wasn’t going anywhere. That my life has no purpose at all.  That despite all the hard work, nothing has paid off. I’d asked myself so many times why my life had turned out like this. I hated it. I blamed myself. I blamed my husband. I questioned God. I was ashamed to myself. I was lost. Still I kept in mind, I had no one but God.

When was the last time I prayed?  I remembered I had to pray. Not the thank-you-Lord-Amen prayer, but that one where I was down on my knees weeping hard until my throat hurt. I really have to pray. It’s been a while since I had a heart-to-heart talk with God.  I had so many things to tell Him. I had so much pain in me that I had to let go.

I went with my husband to the church for the prayer meeting service. It was a Thursday, it rained late that afternoon that discouraged me to go, but I still did. I had so much to unload to the One who’s always patient to listen to me. I had so many petitions and requests. I had them in mind, in proper order of importance to my life. I did not have to write it on paper because it’s been in my heart and thoughts for weeks, even months.

The usual service, songs of praise, then message, then it’s our time to pray. I knelt down; I was moved by the song we sang before we prayed. I was in tears, I could not utter anything. Several minutes had already passed but I did not know how to start with my prayer. I thanked God. I just thanked Him because I was there down on my knees and I could feel His presence. I still did not know what to say. I just cried and cried and said “I am sorry Lord”. I could not remember how many times I’ve said it. That’s all I could say. And I really was sorry. I remembered I had requests to mention but I did not say them.  All I asked from God were just an assurance that He will always take care of me and watch over me.  When I thought was missing in my life was nice paying job, a house we could call our own, the baby that I’ve been wishing for years, I was wrong. On my knees, with tears free flowing down my face, all I needed was God’s embrace.

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